by Nelson
Reader Beware; You’re in for a Scare!
Join us as DoubtFire ventures into the terrifying world of zombies, werewolves, egg monsters, and annoying siblings that is GOOSEBUMPS.
R.L. Stine says that The Haunted Mask is his favorite Goosebumps entry and the book he is proudest of. That’s pretty high praise considering that the man wrote fifty books before breakfast this morning and will have written fifty more by lunch. It takes place on Halloween, so, by default, I like it. But there are some issues in the story that I’ve just never been able to get over. The concept is simple enough; Carly Beth is easily scared, and her friends have a great time taking advantage of it. Kids who are absolutely obsessed with repeatedly trying to scare the main character are Goosebumps requirements, but this is a little different. Carly’s friends, her friends mind you, are absolutely sadistic, unrelenting, and merciless. And her younger brother, Noah, also loves scaring her. You’d think that sending Carly Beth running away screaming is a highly competitive Olympic sport that you’ve got to practice for years to master.
So the premise of the book is that Carly has finally gotten fed up with her friends and decided that, for Halloween, she’s going to turn the tables on them with the most frightening costume she can find. The book’s title and cover give the reader a big indication as to what’s going to happen, but I think it’s important to take a look at the inciting incident. Two of the guys she pals around with, Chuck and Steve, put a dead worm in a sandwich and trick her into eating it. Instead of beginning to plot their murders right then and there, all Carly Beth wants to do is give them a good scare when they’re out trick-or-treating. She may be jumpy, but this girl is essentially a twelve-year-old white Gandhi. She was tricked into chewing up a dead worm. I thought that it was rough when the fridge got emptied in Night of the Living Dummy, but the kids this girl goes to school with are sociopaths who should be isolated from society.
Anyway, Carly Beth heads home and is frightened again by a plaster of Paris head that looks like her – her mom’s art school project. Good ol’ Mom has also made a Halloween costume, but it’s a duck outfit that certainly isn’t going to frighten bullies and make them live to regret their misdeeds. So she heads out to the local Mysterious Costume Shop and meets the local Mysterious Shop Owner. She stumbles on the Mysterious Costume Shop’s Mysterious Backroom and discovers a whole bunch of hideous masks lining the walls. She grabs one, convinces the owner to sell it, heads home, scares her brother, sticks her plaster of Paris head on a broom handle, and hits the streets in her sweet new costume brandishing the fake head and growling at innocent trick-or-treaters.
But things are going too well. Carly Beth is too scary. She’s speaking in a growl that she doesn’t recognize and feelin’ mean. She vandalizes the neighborhood, steals candy, and finally gets to scare the bejesus out of Chuck and Steve. But, when she does, the fake head opens its mouth and lets out a desperate “Help me!” Once again frightened, she tosses it into a bush and heads to her friend Sabrina’s house where she discovers that her cool new mask has attached itself to her face. Mysterious Costume Shop Owner has a big explanation about making beautiful faces that turned ugly because no one loved them and how the only way Carly is ever going to get that mask off is by using a symbol of love. Well, your mother doesn’t make a big plaster of Paris head in your likeness if she hates you, so that winds up being our heroine’s salvation. She learns an important lesson, grows as a person, and all is well until the book ends with her brother putting on the evil mask that Carly Beth didn’t throw away for reasons unknown – making him the mask’s next victim. Thanks, Carly Beth.
It’s a good story. I’m not saying it’s not. But let’s be clear; the moral of the story is that Carly Beth shouldn’t have gotten so consumed with wanting to pay her friends back. But Chuck and Steve trick her into chewing up a dead worm. Trying to even the score by jumping out and scaring them is a pretty tame revenge considering the crimes committed against her. I would’ve had those boys imprisoned in the basement watching “Road Dogg” Jesse James matches on repeat while drinking watery, flavorless Kool-Aid for months if they’d pulled that kind of shit on me. But I guess, if I was in a Goosebumps book, Stine would probably punish me in some cruelly ironic way for such behavior. Imagine waking up with Road Dogg’s godawful tattoo work stuck on your arms until you learn to eat the damn earthworms and turn the other cheek.
As she started to chew, she realized that both Steve and Chuck were staring at her with big grins on their faces.
Something tasted funny. Kind of sticky and sour.
Carly Beth stopped chewing.
Chuck and Steve were laughing now. Sabrina looked confused.
Carly Beth uttered a disgusted groan and spit the chewed-up sandwich hunk into a napkin. Then she pulled the bread apart – and saw a big brown worm resting on top of the turkey.
Doubtfire 
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