by Nelson
The Horror at Camp Jellyjam is pure, unadulterated insanity barely contained by the pages of a Scholastic paperback. Up to this point, Goosebumps has thrown an awful lot at its readers – from cars that explode in Horrorland parking lots to kids swapping bodies with bees and dogs. Who could have suspected that Stine was just dipping his toe in the pool of madness before pinching his nose and cannonballing in? A lot of folks believe that this book’s cover art depicts one of the demented counselors working at King Jellyjam’s Sports Camp, but they’re wrong. That’s no counselor on the cover. That’s you after finishing the book, and there’s no turning back.
Wendy and her little brother Eddie are road tripping with their parents. When they get fed up with silly car games like pointing out every cow they pass, they beg to hang out in the camper trailer their parents are hauling along for the trip. Mom and Dad relent, and the siblings instantly become the two coolest kids on the road hanging out in their very own private trailer with zero adult supervision. What could go wrong?
Frist, the trailer detaches from the car. Then, it wildly rolls downhill, off the road, and through the woods until it crashes right outside of King Jellyjam’s Sports Camp where they’re met by Buddy – the overly cheerful camp counselor – and immediately integrated into the daily activities until “we can find your parents.” No one calls the police. No one takes the kids to the main office. Wendy and Eddie get cabin assignments and immediately join in on the fun and games. Eddie is particularly excited about this since he’s super competitive and loves sports, but even the level-headed Wendy doesn’t seem to think that competing in a swim race is a strange thing to do when your parents are missing and the only update anyone is willing to give is “no word yet, but we’re still looking!”
Camp Jellyjam is all about competition. Its slogan, “ONLY THE BEST,” is posted all over the place along with illustrations of the camp’s mascot King Jellyjam – a purple blob monster sporting a crown. All of the other kids are 100% determined to win at everything. There’s zero friendly competition. Everyone, even Eddie, is totally obsessed with taking first prize in each and every activity and earning oversized arcade tokens bearing King J’s likeness called “King Coins.” Anyone who earns six of these coins gets the privilege of being a part of that evening’s “Winner’s Walk,” and ONLY THE BEST get to do that!
Wendy doesn’t get as caught up in the competitive fervor because she remembers that she and her brother are missing children who are being held captive at a summer camp. She also can’t help but notice that the ground keeps shaking and that no one seems to care. When one of her bunkmates earns her sixth King Coin and disappears after the Winner’s Walk, our heroic narrator knows something foul is afoot. She sneaks out of her cabin at night and follows the counselors into a big auditorium right in the middle of the woods where she learns the horrible, disgusting, smelly truth. King Jellyjam is real; he’s big, and he’s purple, and he’s running the show. All of the counselors are under his control, and all of the Winner’s Walk kids have been imprisoned and forced to…. wash the king. He stinks, you see, and he can’t stand his own smell, so he’s got to be scrubbed down 24/7, and ONLY THE BEST can do that!
King Jellyjam sweats snails, belches so loud that it shakes the ground, and eats kids who refuse to keep him clean. Ironically enough, he’s actually an incredibly ineffective monster who has absolutely no right demanding “THE BEST” from anyone. He’s defeated when Wendy realizes that his hands are too fat and slimy to pick anything or anyone up, so she orders his slaves to lie flat on the ground. The King quickly succumbs to his own terrible body odor and suffocates to death. The counselors come back to their senses, and everything goes back to normal. Then, a few months later, Counselor Buddy shows up at Wendy and Eddie’s door to give Eddie his sixth King Coin, and everyone laughs like it’s the end of a Saturday morning cartoon.
Goosebumps camp stories are my favorite kind of Goosebumps stories, and this is no exception. Stine has come up with some pretty kooky stuff up to this point, but Wendy and Eddie rocketing down the highway in a runaway trailer that crashes at a camp where children who successfully compete in athletic competitions are enslaved and forced to wash a giant purple blob who sweats snails and belches takes the cake and ups the ante to such an extreme that ONLY THE BEST will have courage enough to stick around and see what’s next.
The gold crown bounced away. The monster’s body made a loud splat as it spread over the floor.
“Yes!” I choked out happily. I was still shaking, still trying to forget the slimy feel of his fingers against my skin. “Yes!”
My plan had worked perfectly.
The kids stopped washing—and King Jellyjam suffocated from his own foul smell!
Doubtfire 