by Justin
There are all sorts of “Hey it’s (that person) who had their fifteen minutes (or maybe a little longer)” moments that pop up, especially in the nostalgia filled pop culture that seems to dominate all facets of the present day. So much so that nearly every vein of gold in the nostalgia mine has been scraped clean.
However, there are the old time nostalgia prospectors like me who are knee deep in a creek in the Appalachians, with a corn cob pipe and a flask of whiskey, panning for the flakes of gold that Buzzfeed missed when they strip mined my childhood.
Loni Anderson was known for WKRP in Cincinnatti and for being married to Burt Reynolds.
Jim Varney was a lovable southern TV pitchman turned bonafide movie star as Ernest P. Worrell.
Kirk Baily was known as the goofy camp counselor Ug Lee (see what they did there?) on Nickelodeon’s popular 90’s show Salute Your Shorts.
Hulk Hogan was the face of the 1980’s wrestling boom, a 300 pound bleached blonde (but balding) man who stared down Sylvester Stallone in Rocky III.
Victor Wong played Egg Shen in the classic Big Trouble in Little China.
See, any of these people would make a fine subject for a “remember when” dive, but this golden nugget of nostalgia sparkles with a little bit of all these names.
“According to the ratings, most kids don’t believe in heroes anymore” – Dave Dragon
In the summer of 1996, perpetual good guy Hulk Hogan sauntered to the ring at World Championship Wrestling’s Bash at the Beach PPV event, dropped his signature legdrop across the chest of his friend and fellow good guy Randy “The Macho Man” Savage, and joined the evil New World Order alongside Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. Over the next few months, Hulk shed his signature red and yellow tights for all black, starting calling himself “Hollywood” and appeared on WCW Monday Nitro to torment fans and wrestlers alike. Ratings for Nitro soared. By the fall of 1996, Hulk had no problems reminding us that his next blockbuster movie coming out would be Santa With Muscles and then Three Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain.
And that’s where the above list of names comes together. For the fourth and final installment of The Three Ninjas movies, the perennial rental favorite of kids across the country through the 90’s.
The movie stars Hulk Hogan as tv karate hero Dave Dragon. Jim Varney plays the evil Lothar Zogg. Loni Anderson plays the equally nefarious Mary Ann “Medusa” Rogers. Kirk Baily is billed as just “Carl.” Victor Wong returns as the venerable, wacky old ninja Grandfather of the Three Ninjas. If this combination of actors in a kids movie sounds like a 90’s fever dream, well, you’re right.
I’m not going to regurgitate the plot, but it involves Lothar Zogg and Medusa (Dressed as a nun.) attempting to take over Mega Mountain Theme park for reasons that aren’t exactly clear. With the three ninjas there to see Dave Dragon’s last public performance ever, you can easily see a path to the good guys saving the day. There’s a Jamaican hacker and a call for ransom to a sleazy theme park owner. There’s a super cool theme park montage. And of course, a hefty amount of karate kicks and punches. Dave Dragon is shot in the throat with a sleep dart. There’s a mishap with a purse and ransom money. There’s razor blade yo yo’s and playing cards…….And somehow this is the most sensible plot of the quadrilogy of Three Ninjas Movies.
The star of the film is Hulk Hogan, and his real (or as real as pro wrestling gets) life antics on WCW TV got more antagonistic as the years went by. I say years because High Noon at Mega Mountain was filmed in 1996, but wouldn’t see the light of day until April of 1998. You read that right. Hogan, the biggest bad guy in history to that point, which was at the peak of a boom in viewership and ticket sales, was tabbed to star in a movie aimed at the very same kids who booed Hogan weekly on Monday Nitro.
The villain of the film is Jim Varney, who up to that point (through his beloved Ernest character) had saved Christmas, saved a town from a troll invasion, saved a summer camp from evil developers…..You get the picture. A fun fact that most people miss even during multiple screenings of Ernest films is that Jim Varney was considerably well built. He could’ve very easily played the hero Dave Dragon and would’ve done a much better job than Hogan. I could just as easily make the same argument about Varney being the leader of the NWO on WCW Monday Nitro, but that’s a discussion that’s gonna take some whiskey to flesh out.
The overall point is this: Three Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain is absolutely worth watching, and just might be the best of the Three Ninjas films, for whatever that’s worth. 80’s babies get to see Loni Anderson in black leather, wielding a bullwhip and threatening Hulk Hogan with the prospect of becoming her boy toy. They also get to see one of the bouncers from Road House play a bumbling henchman. They can also boast of seeing Victor Wong’s last movie. 90’s babies get to see Hulk Hogan be the good guy that 80’s babies fell in love with, and they get to see Jim Varney play a seriously bad guy. After all, it takes a cold-hearted villain to snatch orange sherbet from a kid at a theme park.
Most of all, folks of all generations can watch this crossroads of actors cast as the polar opposite of their perceived personas. The movie is streaming on multiple platforms, and your summer wouldn’t be complete without a watch.
Doubtfire 