Saturdays in the Cemetery with Stine

by Nelson

Reader Beware; You’re in for a Scare!

DoubtFire ventures into the terrifying world of zombies, werewolves, egg monsters, and annoying siblings that is GOOSEBUMPS. 

Goosebumps #36 –
The Haunted Mask II

The Haunted Mask II is awesome. I don’t know how else to put it, and I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t appreciate it until I was an adult with too much time on his hands. This book proves that my childhood tastes were horribly unrefined. All I remembered going in was that it revolved around one of the bullies from the first Haunted Mask getting an Old Man Haunted Mask that causes him to turn geriatric instead of monstrous. I’m ashamed of myself for not realizing what an amazing idea this is. After all, Steve Boswell was a part of the whole “make Carly Beth eat a worm sandwich” prank from Part One. Stine gives us a heaping dose of delightful irony when Steve’s attempts to follow in Carly Beth’s evil mask wearing footsteps blow up in his face. 

We catch up with Steve a year after the events of the first book. Life hasn’t been so great for the twelve-year-old prankster. After her ghoulish experience last Halloween, Carly Beth is officially immune to anything he and his buddy Chuck dish out. She’s so tough now that she can bite into a worm sandwich, smile as she scarfs it down, and ask if that’s the best you’ve got. As if that’s not frustrating enough, Steve has to take the blame when he and Chuck let a squirrel loose in the girl’s locker room and is forced to coach the school’s first grade soccer team as punishment. Chuck gets off scot free, but that’s okay; Chuck doesn’t have a big part in the story, anyway. He’s mostly there to offer hollow attempts at encouragement to Steve after soccer practice because, in a truly hilarious turn of events, the first grade soccer players bully the hell out of their coach. Honestly, “bully” is putting it lightly. These kids subject Steve to so much physical abuse that there’d be a solid argument to file assault charges. They jump on his back, punch and kick him in the stomach, and, in one of the most vicious things I’ve ever read, trick him into kicking a concrete soccer ball as hard as he can. Yes, a concrete soccer ball. These first grade hellions literally fashion a ball out of cement and paint it. 

Of course, Steve wants revenge. You’ve got to admire his patience. All he wants to do is scare the kids on Halloween night instead of tossing them in the trunk of a car and driving into a river. When he remembers Carly Beth’s super scary and super evil costume from last year, he forces her to tell him where she got it by threatening to break one of her beloved plaster of Paris heads because Steve means business and doesn’t take no for an answer. He and Chuck head to the Mysterious Costume Shop and discover that it’s closed. Fortunately, they find a trapdoor leading to the basement and sneak in. Chuck runs away as soon as the Mysterious Shopkeeper shows up because Chuck is a great friend. Steve manages to escape with his very own Haunted Mask in hand – a haggard and evil looking old man with spiders in his hair. He knows he’s got just the thing to scare those horrible first graders now, but we know better!

The first book has a slow build-up to the moment Carly Beth discovers she can’t get her mask off, but the sequel doesn’t waste any time. The moment he puts it on, the old man face attaches itself, and Steve instantly loses all of his energy and becomes feeble and elderly. He knows something has gone terribly wrong, but, instead of telling anyone, he decides to try and scare his soccer team anyway. By the time he finally catches up with them on Halloween night, he’s so exhausted that he collapses, and, thinking that he’s just a poor old man, the kids help him up. Nothing goes right for Steve. 

Eventually, Carly Beth steps in and tries to save her rapidly aging ex-bully. They try the whole “symbol of love” thing from the first book, but it doesn’t work because Steve’s mom ate his bag of cookies, and Steve’s dog doesn’t love him enough for the mask to come off. And, yes, Steve’s first choice for his symbol of love is a bag of cookies. 

Not knowing what else to do, the duo head back to the Mysterious Costume Shop’s Mysterious Basement. Just when things seem hopeless, Carly Beth finds an old suit covered with spiders and realizes that it goes with Steve’s mask. The minute she holds it up, the mask recognizes the outfit and detaches from Steve for a tearful reunion with its lost threads. Then, the newly formed old man does a quick dance before heading out the door, and the day is saved. Carly Beth and Steve start to head home, but Chuck pops out of some bushes wearing the evil gorilla mask that he stole from the Mysterious Costume Shop. Uh-oh!!

The craggy old head hovered above me for a moment. Then it floated toward the shiny black suit in Carly Beth’s hand.

The head floated down onto the collar of the suit.

Carly Beth let out a startled cry as the suit’s arms thrashed out. The trouser legs kicked. The suit twitched and squirmed as if trying to break free.

Carly Beth let go of it and jumped back.

A smile spread over the ugly old face. The suit legs lowered themselves to the floor. The old man performed a little dance, arms flapping, trouser legs hopping.

And then he turned away from us. The head attached to the suit. The trouser legs bent at the knees, he shuffled toward the steps.