by Nelson ft. Amanda
Give Yourself Goosebumps offered readers an experience they didn’t know they wanted but couldn’t possibly pass up: the opportunity to live a Goosebumps story! This spinoff choose-your-adventure series gave YOU, yes you, the chance to encounter purple peanut butter, beastly babysitters, and knights in screaming armor who can’t wait for you to make a bad choice!
Amanda and I will read each book separately and report back with all the grisly, gruesome, and grimy details of our adventures.
Premise:
Your family decides to spend Christmas vacation in New York City! Unfortunately, your family is absolutely awful. Mom and Dad’s idea of a good time consists of hanging out in the Museum of Natural History, and your little brother Denny’s favorite phrase is “You’re not the boss of me!” He says this a lot because your parents insist on asking you to keep an eye on him even though Denny couldn’t give the slightest bit of a damn about anything you say.
You’re forced to chase your little brother through the museum. In the process, you meet Dr. Peebles and his super amazing time travel experiment. He mistakes you for a volunteer, slaps a weird looking stopwatch – the “chronometer” around your neck, and tells you to get ready for some super amazing adventures through time! Just when you’re about to play Marty McFly to Peeble’s Doc Brown, Denny shows up, jumps in the time machine, and disappears. Now you’ve got to go after him before he “disappears into timelessness forever!” But did Denny travel to the past or the future?
Nelson’s Story:
The back of the book mentioned something about dealing with dinosaurs, and that was more than enough to make my decision for me. I went to the future. I’m not going to risk R.L. Stine putting me in his kooky version of Jurassic Park.
As soon as I arrived, I was faced with another big decision: Did I want to head into the mysterious looking Future City or explore a mundane and decidedly non-futuristic New York? New York seemed safer, and I caught a glimpse of some kid who looked like Denny running around, so the choice was clear. I quickly found out that I’d only been transported *one day* into the future – which is actually pretty neat, but my book counterpart was annoyed with it because I was apparently going through my angsty “I hate everything” phase. If only time travel could have solved that..
It didn’t take long for me to find my Future Family walking down the sidewalk. From there, I was helplessly embroiled in a plot right out of Back to the Future II. After watching the fam get run down by an out of control truck, I traveled back in time to try and prevent the accident while simultaneously trying to avoid bumping into my Future Family and creating a rift in the space-time continuum. Somehow I managed to pull it off and reunite with Denny in the process. I felt proud. I was cruising towards that sweet, sweet Good Ending with nary an obstacle in sight. All I needed to do was grab Denny and get back to Dr. Peebles. But, when I chose to grab the kid and go, I grabbed Future Denny AND Present Denny because Stine isn’t about to let me off that easy. Now I’ve got two bratty brothers that I’m not the boss of. Maybe I should have tried my luck with the dinosaurs….
Amanda’s Story:
I chose to travel to the past because I knew Nelson would pick the future. My options were to run towards a knight on a white horse or towards a dinosaur – depending on which way I thought my little brother had gone. I didn’t particualy care for Denny, so I in no way looked forward to finding the little asshole. As much as I’d have loved to pet a dinosaur, I doubted that would be an option in this adventure, so I went towards the knight.
There was a castle with a drawbridge and a moat – which I enjoyed – but the spear wielding knight seemed “pretty serious.” I could either jump in the moat to escape or try and talk to the guy. I decided to be social against my better judgment. I told the knight I was from the future and searching for my little brother. He was super unhelpful and just told me I had to fight him to get into the castle. Surely, my little asshole brother hadn’t fought this guy. If I lost, I’d be fed to the King’s crocodiles!
I convinced the knight to use clubs for a round of baseball with apples – with the result dependent on a coin toss. I won! I love winning and all, but the knight took the loss pretty hard, jumped into the moat, and fed himself to the crocodiles. Before he was fully eaten he yelled, “Beware of the Lair!” I’m worried about the whole darn place at this point. Suicide by crocodiles was enough for me.
When I entered the castle, I heard screaming. I could either check it out or go back. I decided to see if it was Denny. I came to a room where I could go through one of two doors, the Lair or the Throne Room. Neither one sounded like a good option, but I heeded the words of the suicidal knight and avoided the Lair. Of course the king was in the Throne Room. He immediately accused me of being a spy until I spotted Denny – who was now the king’s adopted son. Reasonable enough. I knew I didn’t want to find the little shit.
Denny and the king agreed that I should be boiled in oil. So….fried? I begged Denny to stop the madness, but he apparently hated me more than I hated him and told his new dad to boil me. I was about to be fried until my hand hit a button on the chronometer. I made it back to the lab, but without my brother. That’s for the best. Of course my parents are going to blame me for their negligence, but this one was definitely on them.
What a book. Suicidal knights, your family being “flattened like pancakes” by a drunken truck driver, and a homicidal little brother determined to boil you alive. Tick Tock, You’re Dead is an extremely appropriate title for this merciless, soulless, and murderous caper.
Doubtfire 